Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
