DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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