the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
