dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
