He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
