god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize