when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
