i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
