so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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