Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Randomize
