He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize