I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
