Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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