Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
