The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
