i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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