I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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