I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
