My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Randomize
