I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
