Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
You were trust falling into bushes
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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