it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
