I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
