i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
