I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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