Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
