There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
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