It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
