i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
