this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just want to make out with him forever
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
