I think I won the penis lottery.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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