My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
