Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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