I have demons in me.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
