i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
