I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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