Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
