why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
