New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
So squirting runs in the family.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
