jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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