dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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