I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
