You can't special order awesome
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize