he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
