Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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