i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize