Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.

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(607): View more from New York

he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.

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(815): View more from Illinois

Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.

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(509): View more from Washington

walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.

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(607): View more from New York

Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?

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(514): View more from Quebec

i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.

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(626): View more from California

Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.

(1-626): View more from California

That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.

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