I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
