it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
