not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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