Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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