im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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