Old men and throwing up are my life now.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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