In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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