I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Couch. On fire.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
