i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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