some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
