no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
It was a blind-side dick pic.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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