there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
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