dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
