Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
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