I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
