i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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