Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
God, you're like boner-b-gone
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
