I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
