Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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