i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
