Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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